Why don't managers provide more coaching? With 28 years as a specialist in organizational development I've spent thousands of hours in conversation with leaders and front-line workers exploring what works and what doesn't in their lives on the job. 

The single most frequent complaint I've heard is that "My boss rarely comments on my performance unless I make a mistake." And even then, coaching is often delivered ineptly. Some managers get angry and stern. Others are uncomfortable criticizing people so their feedback is almost apologetic and nonspecific.

Some people complain that developmental feedback is saved for the performance appraisal. Managers save up a year of critical feedback and hit employees over the head with it when it is too late for them to do anything to make the corrections to necessary to improve their performance.

As for praise, in most organizations it is all but nonexistent, in spite of the obvious benefits of acknowledging good performance. You get what you talk about. If your staff are going out of their way to make your guests' stay comfortable and enjoyable, praise lets people know that you are paying attention to what they are do and that you appreciate their dedication to taking good care of your guests.

Praise builds a more comfortable, trusting relationship between managers and their staff.  "The banquet manager goes out of his way to comment on what I do correctly. This helps me accept developmental coaching because he makes clear I'm doing a lot of things right.  He just wants to help be do a good job."

Inadequate coaching is not restricted to front-line workers such as gardeners and groundskeepers, housekeeping staff, servers, and recreational workers.  First-line supervisors have the same complaint that they get little coaching from their managers.  Unfortunately, this sets a tone.  "I don't get much coaching so I just don't provide it for my own staff."

In discussions with managers and executives, they admit they need to provide more coaching.  "These are the very people I rely on to do their jobs well so that I can deliver on the commitments I've made to my own manager." 

"So why don't you don't you provide more coaching to help them do their jobs better?" 

To a large extent, senior management bears responsibility for the presence or absence of coaching in their organizations.  Unfortunately, coaching cannot be produced by proclamation or senior management dictates.  People listen to what their leaders say but they pay far more attention to what their leaders do.  If you want a high level of coaching, both praise and developmental, you must model the very behaviors you want to see in your management team. 

The entire management team must first be trained in effective coaching strategies.  Then senior managers lead the way by recognizing that their behavior sets the standard for the rest of the managers and supervisors in the organization.  This means going out of your way to make comments to first-line supervisors and staff who are doing a good job providing service to your guests.  Make a practice of wandering your facilities slowly enough to catch people doing something right and acknowledging them for it.

Unfortunately, recent research has shown that the higher people rise in the management ranks, the more distorted their self-perception becomes.  Many senior managers think they are far better at the softer skills of leadership than they actually are.  This makes sense. 

The higher you rise in management, the less direct feedback and coaching you are likely to get.  And if you are doing something – or failing to do something – that undermines the quality of your leadership, people lower down the ranks are highly unlikely to point it out to you.  So take a close look at your senior management team.  Are you setting the kind of example and setting expectations that will produce a high level of coaching in your organization?  If not, you have some work to do.

Managers and supervisors provide a variety of excuses for not coaching.  "I don't need praise to be a good chef so why should my staff?"  "Talking about performance is awkward so I put it off and hope that problems improve on their own."  And, of course, they rarely do.  "I want to provide more coaching but I have so many things to do in events planning that the day slips by and I never get around to it." "Many of my housekeepers are women and sometimes they cry when I provide corrective coaching." "We got training in coaching a long time ago but I've forgotten most of what I learned."

In recent years, coaching has become even more challenging. Coaching used to be restricted to objective performance standards.  Banquet tables had to be laid out in perfect order.  Rooms had to be spotless.  Food needed to be delivered hot and tasty.  The reception area had to work like a well-oiled machine.  When coaching is addressed to this kind of performance, the topic is objective. The room is cleaned properly covering all activities and items on the checklist, or they are not.  Banquet tables are either set properly or they are not.

Addressing this kind of performance isn't very personal. Certain objective performance standards were to be met and the interaction focused on the standards and how to do things properly. But in recent years an entirely new dimension has been added that makes coaching much more challenging…emotional intelligence. 

Often referred to as EQ, "emotional intelligence" is jargon in need of definition. I define EQ as

"A body of personal characteristics and social abilities that have been shown to be highly important in determining success on the job and in life."

There are many models of EQ but they are more alike than different.  I prefer the following model:

1. Self-Awareness.
Very few people go to work with the conscious intention to irritate their boss, alienate their coworkers, and make guests feel uncomfortable.  And yet some people go to work and do exactly that. Why? Because they have blind spots - in their perceptions of themselves. Personal quirks and social habits start forming early in life and, by the time we're adults, we may have mannerisms or ways of communicating that produce unintended results.

The higher you get in management, the more distorted your self-perception is likely to become. Senior level leaders get far less feedback and if they are doing something that it very annoying to the people who work for them, it might be foolhardy for employees to point it out. So many senior managers are blissfully unaware of communication patterns or personal characteristics that intimidate or otherwise demoralize their organizations.

2. Self-Control.
The first step in developing EQ is to become aware of habits that undermine your professional effectiveness. Suppose you have a problem intimidating people with anger. Once you become aware of the problem, you have to start catching yourself in the heat of the moment, restrain yourself, evaluate the situation, and make a conscious choice to handle the moment more effectively. 

Self-control requires identifying the internal cues that tell you that you are starting to get angry.  Your breathing may change or your face might get flushed.  You will also notice the early thoughts and feelings that lead to an outburst. Thinking about what you should have said lying in bed that night is too late.  You need to start observing yourself closely so that you can intervene in heat of the moment and make a wiser choice.

3. Empathy.
Empathy should not be trivialized as something you learn in listening training. An empathic person is genuinely interested in other people, what they have to say, and what the topic means to them.  Showing interest in other people is the gateway to building relationships. It is hard to build trust and rapport with someone if you show little interest in them.  Listening training supports the expression of empathy but the foundation of empathy is found in caring about and being interested in people.

4. Social Agility.
This is the ability to build a broad network of relationships within the company and with people outside the company whose support you depend on. These relationships are marked by interpersonal ease, personal connection, trust, and the ability to work together and handle disagreements without damaging the relationships. Building a network requires going out of your way to get to know people in your organization. Even if you don't work directly with someone, if you have the chance to meet them, get their card, and share a coffer or tea break together. Your goal: To build as many relationships as possible.

5. Development and deployment of influence.
This is the ultimate goal of EQ: the ability to pick up the phone and make things happen.  You are much more influential in a company if you have worked on changing personal mannerisms and communication patterns that put people off. You speak up in meetings. You develop good presentation skills. You raise issues appropriately with senior managers. You establish bonds with coworkers and your direct reports. Then, when you need to implement an idea or solve a problem, you've already established the credibility and influence to get things done.

While the model might make sense, what does it really mean to you?  A growing body of research is demonstrating that EQ is the key to success in most professions.  Certainly, you must have the intelligence to master your profession, whether that be hotel management, finance, event planning, banquet planning, or other skills required to run a top-notch hospitality business.  But the more people that are required to collaborate together in doing complex work, the more important EQ becomes to their success. Your profession defines what you do. 

Your EQ defines how successfully you get your job done with and through other people. This is consistent with a study of terminations finding that only 10% of firings were due to lack of the ability to do the job.  The other 90% were due to attitudinal or relationship problems.  In other words, technical skills get you the job.  Your EQ determines how successfully you thrive on the job.

How is EQ related to coaching?  Coaching must address not just what people do but also how they interact with other people.  To be a credible EQ coach, you must study EQ and develop the ability to model the very qualities you want to build in your staff. People in organizations listen to what managers say but they pay far more attention to what managers do.

Coaching for emotional intelligence is far more personal than coaching directed at performance standards. Coaches must address topics that are more likely to result in hurt feelings or defensive responses. This involves addressing how people behave around guest and coworkers. If someone's anger affects others, it must be coached.  If someone is shy and reserved, they must be coached in how to be more outgoing and friendly.  If people have a pattern of behaviors that are off-putting to quests or fellow workers, that too must be addressed.

Coaching to develop EQ requires all leaders to step up to a whole new level of effectiveness as coaches.  In the next article, you'll learn a simple, common sense method that will help you be more comfortable and effective, when your coaching is addressing objective performance or the personal qualities associated with EQ.

©2008 Bob Wall
For 28 years, Bob Wall has specialized in accelerating the development of leaders and teams in the workplace.  Whether serving as an executive coach, doing an assessment of a corporation's culture, providing customized team development and planning events, or delivering management and staff training, the common thread through his work is EQ, i.e., emotional intelligence…those personal characteristics and social abilities shown to be essential to success in the workplace.  Recent research has demonstrated that no matter how intelligent and professionally trained people might be, if they lack the ability to work with and through other people, they are not likely to achieve their full potential, a finding with profound implications for those involved in leading and developing today's companies.

His two most recent books provide a roadmap for leaders wanting to build corporate cultures that nurture EQ.  Coaching For Emotional Intelligence (2007, AMACOM) provides leaders with a structured approach to coaching for performance and to develop their employees' EQ.  His latest book, the Second Edition of Working Relationships: Using Emotional Intelligence to Enhance Your Effectiveness With Others (2008, Davies-Black Publishing) provides an understanding of relationships in the workplace and offers readers a practical methodology for building teams and resolving conflict.  Bob can be reached through his website, www.bobwallonline.com  to learn more about his services and the use of the EQ Profile, an uncannily accurate assessment of EQ that Bob has used successfully in fifteen different countries.