The Grumpy Traveller goes to "Greenland"

Jules Verne eat your heart out. I have just been around the world in 18 minutes, starting in Dubai and stopping only in Greenland to catch my breath.

Maybe it's global warming, but I didn't expect to step off a boat onto a sandy beach in Greenland and make my way through palm trees to watch hip-swivelling belly dancers, fireworks and locals smoking hubble-bubble pipes.

But that's tourism for you these days. If you don't have what someone else has got, you create it.

Dubai is building ski slopes and snow domes to imitate Switzerland, although I very much doubt the Swiss will retaliate by turning Zermatt into a desert eco resort.

Dubai – this city of purple petunias - is also building The World, a collection of man-made islands in a miniature globe formation stuck out in the Persian Gulf 30 minutes by boat from Dubai's head-turning Burj Al Arab resort.

And why Nakheel, the developers of The World, invited delegates from this week's Arabian Hotel Investment Conference to be among the first to set foot on "Greenland's" sandy shores and inspect an as yet unbranded, super-luxury boutique hotel.

At Arabian Travel Market. for one day only, you could get 15 percent off the price of a villa in "Australia" – the first of The World's 300 man-made islands to go on sale.

You might fork out a tidy amount to secure your spot on Fraser Island or Tasman Island, but don't expect to see a kangaroo or a koala.

 What is it with these Dubai people? Sure, the oil's running out, but they've still got plenty of desert left beyond the mega resorts, theme parks, luxury hotels. highways and shopping malls.

Come on, guys, what's wrong with the traditional pursuit of wadi bashing?

Okay, so making money is also a traditional pursuit in these parts and I guess that's all they're doing with the upcoming Dubailand, billed as the world's ultimate tourism destination.

Sorry, but I feel the potential problem with The World is the neighbours.
Consider this, if you bought your little bit of The World in France and then the Beckhams, David and Victoria and the kids, moved next door into Spain, you could kiss goodbye to Costa del Solitude.

Think of the parties, the rows, the recriminations, the UK tabloid press trying to use your motor yacht mooring to spy on Mr and Mrs Becks.

And if the Beckhams dropped anchor at The World, who knows what English soccer riff-raff would follow. Would all those super-rich
Chelsea players start buying up Brazil or Belize?

There are rumours, too, that Elton John and Rod Stewart are vying to buy England. What could be worse, Elton and his boyfriends or Rod and his dolly birds as noisy neighbours?

Sorry, Elton, but I'm taking The Yellow Brick Road out of here.



IAN JARRETT is based in Fremantle, Western Australia from where he travels frequently in Asia on assignments for travel magazines.

He is a member of the BamBoo Alliance, a group of leading travel writers in the region. He can be contacted at ianjarrett@mac.com