Many new hotels have opened in the last years and the demand for marketing skills has not kept up with the supply.

The results are disastrous, both for the owners, the hotel operators and last, but not least, for the customer.

Here's what is killing hotel revenues around the world :

Mr. Talk A. Lot, Director of Sales & Marketing of the latest five-star hotel, the " SLEEP WITH ME PLAZA " , meant business as he was addressing the Wednesday Sales Meeting, which he, cleverly, had scheduled in such a way that the poor sales people did not have to go out in the traffic too much.........

After assigning the most junior secretary to handle the phone with the instruction to tell everybody : " They are in a meeting ! " , he settled in the chair with the highest back in the Board-Room, which was every week blocked for this important meeting.

"So, you see, all of you " he was saying, " the G.M. gave me hell, he wants to increase the occupancy."

"What else is new, Mr. Lot ? " his Senior DOS, Mr. R. Ebate, said decisive, " I told you many times that EverywhereTown rooms are selling like hot cakes, but to sell NowhereCity hotels it needs a rebate ".

Having worked 15 years in other hotels, Talk A. Lot still does not know, as his wrong title also indicates, what the difference between marketing and sales is and therefore enthusiastically exclaims :

"Great thinking, Mr. Ebate. Rebates ! Nothing like a healthy rebate to stimulate business. Look into a rebate program, will you, Dr. Ount-slow ?

He glanced about the table and said " Let's have some more ideas, we need your creativity ! " 

"Why don't we try a family plan ? " said one of the five Assistant D.O.S.'s, Mr. D. Iscount,  " That should stir up some business "

"Great thinking, Mr. Iscount . That's what I want to hear, guys : creative, exciting ideas. Work on that one, Ms. Razy ! Anybody else? "

"How about offering a discount on joiner rate ? " , the Senior Assistant Director of Sales, Mr. I. Eat-Well, said

Talk A. Lot thought about that and then he observed " I don't know, Mr. Eat-Well, that might be costly, and not good for the average room rate. "

"We'll offer it only to holders of Dreamland and Happygoluckycountry passports, that could even increase our local stay-over market segment. "

"Great thinking , Mr. Eat-Well ", Talk A. Lot answers.  " Develop that one for me ! Boy, are  we  building up creativity in this room !! "

"Mr. Lot , how about a secretary program ? " the First Junior Assistant Director of Sales, Mr. D. Ream-on said. 

"A secretary program ? Pass that by me again, Mr. Ream-on, normally we only talk to the bosses, they are much more important."

"We give points for every reservation a secretary makes, and those points can apply towards the use of free double-bed rooms on weekends for her and her boss together "

"Great thinking " Talk A. Lot declares, beside himself with joy. " Guys, today we're really cruising. Come on, let's have some more ideas. We'll pull this hotel out of the slump yet. "

"How about giving guides a commission ? " , Ms. M. Oney, the Junior DOS and a niece of the owner, also a former guide, shouted in full enthusiasm. " I always believed that it is tourism for the guides and not guides for tourism........."

Talk A. Lot was totally lost for words momentarily and he expresses in awe his respect ( while thinking about his upcoming salary review ) " Ms. Oney, you are truly a genius , that's what I call groovy thinking. "

"How about painting our hotel in pink color ? " said Mr. C. Ountslow, a Senior Assistant Marketing Manager, in charge of the political parties, due to his ability to change opinions within seconds.

"A paint job, Mr. Ountslow ? " asked Talk A. Lot carefully, knowing about Oney's and Ountslow's love affair, " How could a coat of paint help our occupancy ? "

"Well " Mr. Ountslow said lamely, thinking about the commission promised by the " Pink Party" , who's Chairman owned a paint factory. " It'll make people think we are a new hotel and therefore we must have low rate, so they will come and ask."

Talk A. Lot shook his head heavily " I don't buy that one, Mr. Ountslow " 

"OK, let's run with that one a little further " , said Ms. C. Razy, a loyal friend of Mr. Ountslow, and Junior Senior Assistant Marketing Manager in charge of the non political associations ( from A-M only ! ). " Let's paint each floor a different color and develop different rate for different colors. The darker the color, the lower the rate ! "

"Great thinking, Ms. Razy, that sure would work miracles on our visibility in the market place ! "

"More, I want more ideas ! "

"May I humbly suggest stand-by-fares ? " said Mr. S. Leeplong, the Marketing and Yield Analyst.

"Stand-by-fares, Mr. Leeplong ? "

"Yes sir, you check in after 10 PM and you check out before 7 am , in that case we can use the rooms for the " Fly Away " crew twice ! "

"Great thinking , Mr. Leeplong " , Khun Puut Mak cried. "Let's do it."

"How about building another wing ? " Mr. D. Runk said.

Talk A. Lot gave that Assistant to the Assistant Director of Sales a dumbfounded look. " Build more rooms you said, Mr. Runk ? Add more beds in face of the overwhelming overcapacity in the whole industry ? "

"Well," Mr. Runk said undaunted, " if you put all these plans that have been proposed today into effect, you're bound to double the demand for our rooms. You might as well be ready to handle the crush ! "

"Brilliant thinking , Mr. Runk " Talk A. Lot states " Let's drink to that "

At this point the meeting was bubbling over with enthusiasm and he glanced around the table, proud as a peacock.

"You really outdid yourselves today ! You guys have every reason to look forward to a brilliant marketing career " and then he closed the meeting because it was nearly five o'clock, the end of another full, hardworking day.

When Talk A. Lot finally came back in his office, fully satisfied with himself as an accomplished director and as a great marketing mastermind :

1)       he found five messages, which he returned three days later,

2)       he decided to cancel all sales calls scheduled for this week in order to give the sales force time to work on these business-saving ideas,

3)       he never realized that 2563 Room nights were booked elsewhere,  because the junior receptionist was assigned to handle the  unexpected  site inspection of a major wholesaler,

4)       the Junior Sales Representative Ms. W. Orkhard, who never had a chance to say that she felt more attention towards the customers  could also do the trick, resigned without further discussion to become a real-estate salesperson, without title,  but with a real salary.

Marketing madness or " great thinking " ?

The bottom line of this tale ………

 

The cast :

Mr. Talk A. Lot,              Director of Sales and Marketing
Mr. R. Ebate,                  Senior Director of Sales
Ms. D. Iscount,               Assistant Director of Sales
Ms. I.  Eat-Well,              Senior Assistant Director of Sales
Mr. D. Ream-on,             First Junior Assistant Director of Sales
Ms. M. Oney,                  Junior DOS and a niece of the owner
Dr. C.  Ount-slow,          Senior Assistant Marketing Manager
Ms. C. Razy,                   Junior Senior Assistant Marketing Manager
Mr. S. Leeplong,            Marketing and Yield Analyst.
Mr. D. Runk ,                 Assistant to the Assistant Director of Sales
Ms. W Orkhard,             Junior Sales Representative

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