Low cost airlines are bringing out the monkeys in travelers, and they are not even giving us peanuts. Yeoh Siew Hoon tells you why.

There is a saying, you pay peanuts, you get monkeys.

With budget airlines, they are not even giving us peanuts to make us behave like monkeys.
Ever since Tiger Airways fired the first shot with its S$1 one-way fare, the air fare war between the low cost carriers has gone from the sublime to the ridiculous. Thai Air Asia's 29 cents one-way offer, for instance.
And the thing is, consumers are diving for it, never mind that it's a chance in a million that you will actually end up paying the fare that's advertised.

Didn't you read the fine print, madam? It says, "from 29 cents" and we all know "from" could cover anything from the ground to the sky. And didn't you read the fine print that it doesn't include taxes, madam? These are the taxes governments force you to pay, they don't come to us, so we are still low cost.

Have you ever seen the show at the Singapore Zoo where a monkey actually dives into the water for a coconut? It is a scene that makes most divers go weak at the knees – we've seen fish underwater but a monkey, never.
The monkey dives in, gets the coconut and as if that's not enough work for a lousy coconut, he then has to peel the coconut with his bare teeth and before he gets to eat it all, the show is over.

There is a parallel with the whole low cost fever that is sweeping Asian skies.
Low cost airlines are teaching consumers that bottom-feeding is where the best scraps are. And some people are prepared to do anything to get at the scraps.

For example, you have to check in earlier than for traditional airlines because you fear that if you don't, you will end up with a bad sequence number which means you will board last which means the best seats (aisle and window) will all be taken.

You also have to learn to travel light – no more than 15kg per passenger – otherwise it will cost the airline more fuel. And that would such an inconvenience to them.

At the boarding gate, passengers have already formed a queue to board. You wonder why they are doing so when boarding is by sequence and you understand why when everyone rushes to board even though the announcement says, please board by sequence.

Two women are stopped and told their sequence is not nigh. They snatch back their boarding passes and dart past the staff who can do nothing to stop the two monsters they have unwittingly created.
Frankenstein would have had better manners, I reckon.

On the plane, all aisle and window seats are taken first. Couples mark their territory by putting their bags on the middle seat. Don't you dare come between us, their eyes say. Single travelers bag the aisle seats. Families spread out, making sure no one gets into their space as well.

After all that comes the announcement that we may be told to switch seats on take-off for aircraft balancing purposes.
The stewardesses in tight skirts and blouses, with a tiger-striped scarf round their necks, look on impassively at this display of territorial politics.
The only time they get animated is when they sell you food and drinks, and duty-free items.

Think hawker centre inflight. You pay S$2 for instant coffee, and a variety of snacks. Onboard they are having a special promotion – Billy Goat red wine from Australia for S$15. This wine is different and exclusive to Tiger Airways – it is wine sold in beer cans. What do you expect from a low cost airline?

They are not fun like the stewardesses on Southwest or BMI Baby, the two other low cost airlines I have flown. They look and behave just like mini-Singapore Girls.
The only bit of humour I detected from the crew on this flight from Singapore to Phuket was on landing when the attendant, in her announcement, made a made a joke that if we left anything behind, it would be shared among the crew.

She is right. The joke's on us.

We are all monkeys for the right price, no peanuts included.

The SHY Report
A regular column on news, trends and issues in the hospitality industry by one of Asia's most respected travel editors and commentators, Yeoh Siew Hoon.

Siew Hoon, who has covered the tourism industry in Asia/Pacific for the past 20 years, runs SHY Ventures Pte Ltd. Her company's mission is "Content, Communication, Connection". She is a writer, speaker, facilitator, trainer and events producer. She is also an author, having published "Around Asia In 1 Hr: Tales of Condoms, Chillies & Curries". Her motto is ‘free to do, and be'.

Contacts: Tel: 65-63424934, Mobile: 65-96801460

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